The Salad Theory: Lettuce

I was thinking through my theory on salad and dating and I am going to slowly break it all down. You can find the original article The Salad Theory. So first things first, we have to start with the base: lettuce.

Lettuce reflects the whole dating world as there are a lot of men out there with no real flavour. All lettuce does is make your life harder as you shift through it in a desperate attempt to find some hidden morsel of bacon or feta. Not even rocket, with its spicy flavour, can disguise the fact that it is green and limp and about as exciting as a bag of wet hair.

Heaven forbids you to end up with kale. I don’t care how nutritious it is, I want some excitement in my life. Kale is favoured by grandmothers and old ladies from your church. “You should meet my nephew Jeremy. He is such a nice boy.” That is kale. Marry kale and you are doomed to a life of single beds pushed together on special occasions.

Our lives, ladies, are full of lettuce and it is as depressing AF*. I find that the only way to get through it is one huge mouthful at a time. Just get it over with and hopefully, by the time you are done, you will have all the good bits congregating at the bottom (except for onion – we hate onion).

If you missed the beginning then go back to my first post on the salad based dating world called The Salad Theory. Then move on to the next category: cucumber.

 

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